360 . . . to come full circle. I decided last week that this would be my last post, that it was time to return myself to myself. I noticed that this would be my 360th post and it seemed symbolically perfect somehow. It's time.
I thought about how nice it would be to not have to think of things to write or photograph. I thought about wandering about in the spring world without my camera. I thought how glorious it would be to love something just for itself and not for it's possible blogging qualities. It reminded me how once I went whale watching in Kaikoura, and spent the whole time waiting for the whale to emerge while clutching my camera, just in case I missed the magical moment when his tale was in the air with those breathtaking mountains behind it. I remembered how the guide on the boat looked at us, all with our cameras in front of our faces, and said, "Why don't you put your camera down and actually be present for this moment." And that's what I want to do. Be present in my life in a deeper way. To have a few thoughts about life that are just for me.
And then . . . once this decision was made, I noticed something odd. Evcerywhere I went I looked for photo opportunites, even though I was not going to post them on this blog. Everywhere I went, noticing the lambs and the trees and the new spring growth and the lilac's and the blossom trees and the . . . so it seems that I am a photographer. It seems that I will keep taking pictures and exhausting myself with taking it all in no matter what. It has become who I am. And so I may as well share it here.
Having said all this . . . that I am leaving and then in fact not leaving . . . I do need a break for a while. Some time to think it all over. Some time to hopefully miss it and want to come back. There is some painting that I need to do, and I need to do it alone. I know you understand. This being part of the world, and also needing to do some solitary things that are important to me, is a tricky balance. I do hope I will find a way to do it more gracefully. I'll miss you.
Love Kerri x x
